Top 5: Disney Stories Horribly Ruined by Modernization

Since the release of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs in 1937, the Walt Disney company has made a serious living off of animated stories. Some of those stories take place in current time, like 2012’s Wreck-It Ralph, which many children can identify with. Some stories, however, are based on times long ago and places far, far away (Not Star Wars) and aren’t up to speed with the current times. Basically period films with magical twists, these fairy tale stories couldn’t take place in today’s world. They would be less magical. Some of them wouldn’t even be necessary, and problems that were caused by certain events, would be less likely to happen with a modern version. What do I mean exactly? Here are my top 5 Disney stories horribly ruined by modernization.

Maybe you wouldn't be crying if you had your cell phone!

Maybe you wouldn’t be crying if you had your cell phone!

#5-Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In this tale, Snow White gets lost in the wood. By getting lost, she meets seven small workers. Due to the lack of her knowledge of the forest, the Dwarfs help her in finding her prince. If this tale was modernized however, she just would have used GPS to find her way back home. There would be no need for any of these dwarfs to get involved in her life. She could have just gone home and gotten married. Sure she would have eventually had to deal with the Evil Queen but she probably could have gotten a restraining order put in place and that problem would have been over and done with. Seriously, she should have had a cell phone!

#4-Aladdin. Okay, so Aladdin is poor. Jasmine comes from wealth. Aladdin needs to impress her so he changes clothing and pretends to be a prince. In a modern world, Aladdin would be cool due to his trashy clothing right? I mean jean companies are ripping jeans apart before even selling them. Jeans with holes already in them sell for tons of money. By that definition, couldn’t he pretend that he has money based on how many holes are in his pants? What about thrift stores? Those are all the rage. I feel like any hipster I’ve come into contact with only shops at a thrift store for everything they own. In a modern retelling, Aladdin would either be rich, or a hipster. Not a hobo. That means he doesn’t have to pretend to be a prince because the Sultan would love him due to his wealth and Jasmine could have her father’s blessing. Of course, they would probably listen to indie folk music all the time and have a joint tumblr account but that’s besides the point.

You should sing about reconstructive surgery!

You should sing about reconstructive surgery!

#3-The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The story of Quasimodo is really a story of beauty on the inside, not the outside. Frollo, being the evil person he is, tortures Quasimodo because he is hideous. I would assume in Modern Times that Quasimodo would make a doctor’s visit and get plastic surgery. Frollo would be ridiculed as a bully and probably be outed as a judge. (We don’t like our politicians to be meanies you know!) So really this story would turn into more of a transition story for Quasimodo and the villain would lose far too quickly here.

#2-Cinderella. This classic fairytale gets complicated after our heroine, who falls in love with a prince at a ball, has to leave quickly due to faking her societal class. She leaves behind a glass slipper, which the Prince tries to fit on every woman’s foot to find the one he fell in love with. Alright, so let’s skip over the fact that the Prince isn’t very smart because he forgot what Cinderella looks like and has to put a shoe on every girl in the land to figure out who his dance partner was. in a modernized story, despite the Prince being brainless, he could have handed the slipper over to a DNA analysis team. Through lab work, he could have been able to match the shoe to the person it fits without having to be Jehovah Witness-like and knock on everyone’s door. Thanks to every crime scene investigation type of show, I can now talk about this with good authority!

You look horrified! You don't like the new Kindle Fire?

You look horrified! You don’t like the new Kindle Fire?

#1-Beauty and the Beast. I’m putting this film at the top of my list because I feel like a modern telling would absolutely kill this story. Some of the more intriguing characters in this story are the inanimate objects that have personality and come to life on the screen. A lamp, a clock, a dresser, a tea pot, and the list goes on. This makes the story so magical, especially in knowing who these pieces of furniture really are. That being said, I’m not too keen on finding love and turning my iPhone into a beautiful girl named Siri. I’m actually kind of content with my phone staying a phone. (Sorry Siri!) Modernization takes the fun out of these characters because half the stuff in my house already talks to me even if I don’t want it to. That’s just technology these days, it’s not magic. Another big part of the romance between Belle and the Beast is the reluctancy of Beast until he allows Belle into his library which is filled with more books than she has ever seen. This is one of the more inspiring parts of the film because Beast gives in to Belle and starts to really enjoy her being around, while Belle finds herself falling for the Beast. So what if Beast gave her a Kindle? Is a Kindle as romantic as a room filled with books from end to end? Not really. What a mood killer! Saying I’m in love with you by giving someone a Kindle really doesn’t cut it. Sorry Beast. The modern version or you really sucks.

These were just five examples but there are plenty of films out there that would be ruined by a modern telling of them. What are your thoughts? What films would be ruined? What films could even be better? Leave your comments and keep this top 5 rolling!

Josh Taylor
ModernMouseRadio@Yahoo.com
http://www.Twitter.com/ModernMouseJosh
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http://www.ModernMouseRadio.com

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Posted on May 31, 2013, in Articles and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. You so funn-ay!
    I feel like another Cinderella one could be that the Prince would just post it on Facebook that he was looking for the owner of the glass slipper (and maybe a selfie “pic” of them together that nights?), then everyone who was friends with him would share it, then their friends would share it, etc. etc, until Cinderella logged on to her FB one day and got a message from a friend with a link to it (“is dis u?”)!

  2. Great list!

    I think “Dumbo” would be frightening if modernized! Imagine what high-tech acts of cruelty can be done to the “freak” Dumbo and his mom in the present day and age!

  3. This is so funny! And true.
    I also came up with another option for Cinderella. Or rather it just popped up in my head – Prince Charming (his apparent lack of intelligence is disregarded) and Cinderella would most likely be students at university, meeting at a club and after Cinderella runs off, I thought the prince would most likely be posting to one of these ‘Spotted: …’ pages on Facebook 😀

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