Top 5: Disney World Attractions That Are Painfully Awesome

I don’t care if it’s a top notch theme park like Disneyland or your local seedy county fair gypsy caravan rides from 1959, some rides just hurt. At the local fairgrounds, they just hurt and that’s the end of the story, but at Walt Disney World I know it’s going to hurt and I’ll gladly stand in line for an hour anyways. Why? Because I can look past the pain and focus on the awesomeness that is Disney. I’m sure everyone has had that experience. Some attractions give you a headache and some that make your stomach feel terrible but you still ride them for the sense of nostalgia or fun or just because it’s what you do when you’re at a Disney park. Regardless, we’ve all had those moments of pain and joy at the same time. So here are my top 5 Walt Disney World attractions that are just painfully awesome.

Primeval Whirl

5-Primeval Whirl. Yeah, I’ll admit that I like Primeval Whirl. So what? The attraction rarely has a long line, it makes me laugh, and it fills time while my fastpass time for Dinosaur is coming up. The wild mouse coaster design along with the spinning teacup design is unique and there are very few attractions like it. The unfortunate part is that wild mouse coasters typically provide a bit of whiplash and spinning for any period of time can make your stomach do a few back flips. I’m prone to both. As a child I couldn’t spin fast enough and whiplash didn’t effect my small body but as an adult I can do a 360 degree turn and I’m queezy and whiplash is the one thing I hate the most from any kind of amusement park ride. Despite all of that pain, I still ride Primeval While because I still laugh and I still have a good time no matter what.

4-Star Tours. I remember as a child going to the Disney parks that my mom would always back out of going on Star Tours and I never really got why. Now I do. With the revamp of the attraction, the ride is a little smoother but then Disney had to add in the 3D element. Things whizzing right by me  with my seat shuffling all around and a seat belt pressing into my stomach doesn’t really sound like a great time, especially considering you have to endure it for over 5 minutes but, in fact, it’s one of my favorite attractions at Disney’s Hollywood Studios and I wouldn’t even call myself a Star Wars fan. I like the movies and I like this attraction despite leaving wanting to hold my stomach for the next hour and a half.

Space Mountain

3-Space Mountain.  I stood in line for Space Mountain in 2005 for over an hour and during that time, I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got to the front of the line, I was doing some weird tribal dance and counting down the seconds until I could get off the ride and make a mad dash to the nearest porcelain throne. It had also been a while since I had been on Space Mountain and I had forgotten how bumpy it is. By the definition of a roller coaster, Space Mountain is pretty smooth, but it jiggles you around a bit and that feeling plus my bladder made me think that I would never make it to see that sign clearly stated “Men”. Topping it off, I love that the ride comes to a complete hault ramming the safety bar deeply into my stomach. I didn’t really need that stomach anyways. Luckily for this story, I did make it to the bathroom, but it goes to show that even having to go to the bathroom as badly as I did, I still rode Space Mountain because it’s one of the best and most classic attractions at any Disney theme park. It’s a must do, even if you’re bladder is about to explode.

2-Muppet Vision 3D. I love the Muppets. Let me say that again. I LOVE the Muppets, but 3D films are something that kind of bother me. I don’t have the best of vision but I also don’t have bad enough vision to wear glasses. So when I put those 3D glasses on and my already blurred eyes look through the blurry lens of some glasses a 2 year old was teething on earlier in the day, headaches start to happen. I can’t miss this attraction ever because it’s the Muppet Theater and it’s the first time we ever see Bunny and then there are all of my favorite Muppet characters and it’s just awesome and this is a run on sentence now. I tend to enjoy myself until about half way through the show and then it hits. A splitting headache due to the blurred perspective and the loud noise that comes along with the film. You know, those parts where the band is playing, explosions are happening, and Sam the Eagle is very angry. Yeah, those parts. It hurts just thinking about it now, but I’ll always find a way to see this show.

Mad Tea Party

1-Mad Tea Party. Truthfully I haven’t been on any Mad Tea Party ride for over 10 years. Why? Because projective vomiting isn’t my favorite thing to do in the world and I really enjoy food so chances are I either just ate or am about to eat and don’t want to ruin my day with that. Mad Tea Party is probably one of the most recognized symbols of the Magic Kingdom, right behind Cinderella Castle and Dumbo the Flying Elephant. As a child I had no problem with being stuck to the side of a pastel painted cup and spinning until I was so dizzy I would pass out. As an adult, I can get 3 spins deep into the attraction and I have to close my eyes and dream that I’m in a better place or else I’m going to make a horrible mess of myself and my friends or family’s shoes. So I don’t ride the Mad Tea Party attraction anymore but I still think it looks really fun and someday soon I will pick myself up, plan accordingly to do it first thing in the morning before munching down on some delicious food, and just ride it because it is awesome and it’s a complete classic.

What are your thoughts? Am I too wimpy? Are there any attractions that make you ill but you still ride them anyways? Leave your comments below and keep the stories going. Until next time!

Josh Taylor


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Posted on May 10, 2013, in Articles and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I went on “Space Mountain” recently as well and forgot how bumpy that ride it is! Even “Mission: Space” isn’t so discomforting, lol!

  2. I do NOT like Space Mountain. I stood in line for I don’t know how long all excited to go while my cousin was FREAKING out. Aaaaaand I hated it, my cousin that was freaking out loved it though. I was then left with all the little kids and grandparents when everyone went to ride Tower of Terror without me because I was too short.. *sigh* But Mad Tea Party will always be a classic and my favorite!!

  3. What always gets me on Primeval Whirl is how they trick you because the first few turns are simply 180s, then all of a sudden one of the turns spins you and you just don’t stop spinning. That part cracks me up and that’s it, I’m laughing for the rest of the ride.

    Also, I am assuming you lied and actually peed your pants on Space Mountain…

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