Top 5: Life Lessons You Shouldn’t Learn From Snow White

Last week was my inaugural look into the world of Disney films. I started with the very first Disney film, “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” which was my first viewing of the film in quite some time. (You can read it HERE.) After taking in such a beautifully animated film, analyzing the plot and character developments, I realized that the film itself teaches some not so great life lessons that maybe children would take in as being alright. I’m here to correct those wrongs. With that, here are my top 5 life lessons you shouldn’t learn from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

5. Don’t Allow Forest Animals in Your Home. Regardless of how cute and friendly these stray animals in the woods look, I can assure you that they will not help you clean or agree to sing with you. They will most likely break expensive things, knock over your grandmother’s ashes, and decide that your beautiful hand made Persian rug is a great place to use the bathroom. Many of these creatures also carry disease with them. Our average household pets get several shots before coming home with us, but these friendly forest dwellers have never had those shots, so unless you want lice or rabies, keep them away from your living room and out in the wilderness where they will be just fine on their own.

4. No Matter Their Beauty, Don’t Bury Loved Ones in Glass. First off, this is just weird. I understand Snow White is the fairest in all of the land, but after a few days after her death she won’t be. The body decays at a rapid pace after death and burying her above ground in a glass encasing is just going to expose that decaying body to the rest of the world. It also wouldn’t be very hard for a large animal like a bear to break that glass and snatch the body of your loved one. I understand mourning and that sometimes we don’t think straight during that period of time. Let me assure you that a wooden coffin that is buried several feet in the ground will do most dead bodies just fine. Wild animals won’t be able to get to it and it will be much easier on those mourning if they don’t see the half way decaying body of a lost one.

3. Don’t Take Food From Strangers. This seems to be a rule I thought we all learned? if someone approaches you with a hand full of Jolly Ranchers, don’t take them and run away. Isn’t that what we all learned growing up? So why is Snow White taking this apple from an old hag? First of all, you should wash all of your fruit before eating it. That prevents any kind of germs or viruses from infecting your body. Then, I don’t care if it’s a granny smith apple, if it’s covered in caramel, or if it’s supposed to give you eternal life, don’t eat it if it came from someone you don’t know, especially a woman who looks like she has been living under a bridge most of her life doing various illegal drugs. Snow White should have never been so gullible and taken that apple, which is why she ended up in that mess in the first place. That is a very irresponsible thing of her to do and she should have apologized to her Dwarf friends upon awakening.

2. It’s Still Breaking and Entering Even If You Clean the House. I don’t know what twisted law enforcement is going on in fairytale land, but in the real world, if you break into someone’s home because you are lost, that is considered Breaking and Entering and is somewhat frowned upon by the populous society. It’s also very strange that Snow White comes to the conclusion that if she cleans up the cottage, she will be allowed to stay. Grumpy was right in that instance of not giving in. She was trespassing regardless of her awesome cleaning abilities. Those Dwarfs had every right to take Snow White to court and they would have won that case no questions asked. She also let several forest animals into the cottage and I shouldn’t have to say anymore about those animals. Just read number #5 again.

1. You Should Go on a Few Dates before Marriage. Seems to me that it is an awfully big risk to meet the love of your life on a Tuesday and get married on a Thursday. Why the rush for marriage? Have fun and go on a few dates. Isn’t there a miniature golf course or a late night diner in that forest somewhere? If Prince Charming took Snow White on a picnic I would be pleased. That dude sang one song to Snow White and then kissed her before getting married. If I asked a girl to marry me after just meeting her and singing a song for her, I would assume she would say no and slap me across the face. Don’t give in so easily Snow White. What if he isn’t so charming and he sits around, drinks, and never does the things you want to do? Now you are stuck in an unhappy marriage and divorce is more than likely in your future. I understand that it was true love’s kiss that brought Snow White back to life, but even after that I would think that a little ounce of my brain and heart would still be weary that this guy isn’t the one. I mean his song wasn’t even really that good. I’m sure that’s the song he sings to every girl he meets along his path back to the kingdom.

I hope you enjoyed this slightly different post from me. If it gets a good response, expect more that fit into this snarky look into classic Disney films as I continue to review and re-watch many of them. Let me know your thoughts and comments. If there is another life lesson I missed, let me know? I’d like to hear your ideas and feed off of them for my next Top 5.

Josh Taylor


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Posted on February 1, 2013, in Articles and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

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